I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
