what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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