Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
