i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
