last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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