My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is classic penis vs brain.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
