from now on my penis is your penis
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
