They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
