Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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