Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
