she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
