i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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