She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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