Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
