i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
