I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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