In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
