I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
