Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm always down for nudity.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
