i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
