4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm really busy with my period
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