talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
