i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
nutella sex= disaster
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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