so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
