True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
