The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
