Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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