Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We smell like vodka and hangover
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