are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
