You're so nebulous sometimes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
