Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
