New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
