I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
