he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
