What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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