When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
