Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
