you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
