he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
