I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
