I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
