I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
