Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
