Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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