Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
