She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
