Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
