Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize