Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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