So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
