you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
