I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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