my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
