you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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