We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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