how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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