end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
