"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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