so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize