There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
