you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
