Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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