My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
