I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
