This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
