Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so let's talk penis.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
