I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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