mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
